I promised to love, honor and cherish Greta during our wedding ceremony. I promised to have and to hold her until death do us part. One of my favorite things to do is to officiate at weddings, especially if Greta and I have an opportunity to share with the couple in pre-marital counseling. I love to impart the wisdom that I have acquired over the years.
Most couples come in glossy eyed and in love. They ignore all the idiosyncrasies of their beloved because they are “in love.” Sometimes one or the other has a plan to mold the other person into who they want them to be. They are caught up in living happily ever after. They have a very small understanding of what it means to be husband and wife. They have no idea that it is they who will determine the definitions and the quality of their relationship and marriage.
Most couples plan on patterning their marriage on a movie or television marriage they have observed. They have no concept of what it takes to be and stay married. Sometimes they don’t know each other’s favorite colors, what church they attend, how many children they want or how many times a week they would like to have sex. They are also unaware of the many tools available that can aide them in building the marriage of their joint dreams. They come in with expectations of having a happy, successful, and loving marriage. Yet, they have never shared their expectations with each other.
Men and women have needs. They have dreams and expectations. They have unspoken emotional needs that their partner met which made them come to want to get married. These needs need to be spoken and negotiated. When they are not friction occurs and marriages move toward divorce.
Our approach is preventative. We want to equip couples who are in love to be able to enhance and deepen their lives through their love connection. Greta and I have decided to make our marriage fun, thus we seek opportunities to experience adventure. It is one of our many spiritual practices. We both like to learn and laugh. We both like to explore and we both believe that life presents us unlimited possibilities.
We think that most couples come together to explore, and experience life together. They want to have fun and a good time. They want to have years of enjoyment. Our goal is to share with them that these things don’t just happen rather it takes work and intention to make it happen. However it is possible to have fun and excitement throughout one’s marriage. Self-reflection, communication, and meditation are some of the tools that are helpful in creating love that will last.
Self-reflection and knowledge will help one to be able to share their feelings and insights with their partner. The practice of meditating helps the practicing partner gain clarity and deepens their personal relationship with self and God. It deepens one’s spirituality and gives one more to share with their helpmate. This sharing deepens their intimacy and improves their marriage. This is one of the cornerstones to building a healthy marriage. As a husband these practices helps me to love, honor and cherish my Greta.
Though the years I’ve learned that communication is the key that opens my wife’s heart. I have learned that listening, responding and acting appropriately makes my wife feel loved, honored and cherished. It demonstrates to her that I care and that she is indeed important to me. This results in the deepening of our love connection. This aides her in feeling as though I love, honor and cherish her. I do.
Based on my research, many men think that dollar signs are involved in making their wives feel loved. They make the mistake of thinking that their mate’s love is for sale. They confuse affection with “love for sale.” I am certain that most wives love “thoughtful” gifts. I emphasize thoughtful.
Thoughtful gifts demonstrate that a husband has indeed been listening. Often wives may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities for children and housework (not to mention work pressures). A husband can help out with child responsibilities for an extended time and give her a day or two at a spa. He can also surprise her by arranging a babysitter and take her out for an evening of her choice. It also helps to have an iron-clad date night wherein husband and wife decide on various activities so as not to develop a boring routine.
Greta loves to know that I am listening to her when she speaks. She loves to know that I am interested in her world and in things that are important to her. She loves to have new experiences and loves to learn new things with me. She loves to know and feel that I am fully present with her. I chose to be with her years ago and she loves to know that I continue to choose her. She loves to hear it and loves when I demonstrate it. I love the same things.
What is key to all husbands and wives is that they (you) find out what behaviors and activities are pleasing to each other. It is important that you communicate and do those things that will build goodwill and intimacy with each other. For the husband it is important that he demonstrate that he loves, honors and cherishes his wife.
The only way to do it is to ask her (your wife) how she wants this vow to be enacted. Love is an action word. These acts create love deposits and help to strengthen the love bond between husband and wife. Fulfilling the promise of “love, honor and cherish” need not be a chore, rather it is a privilege. After all, God has drawn you to your helpmate and as she is your helpmate, you need to be hers as you love, honor and cherish her.
Yours truly,
Rev. Dr. Gary A. Williams
