Love, Honor and Cherish

I promised to love, honor and cherish Greta during our wedding ceremony. I promised to have and to hold her until death do us part. One of my favorite things to do is to officiate at weddings, especially if Greta and I have an opportunity to share with the couple in pre-marital counseling. I love to impart the wisdom that I have acquired over the years.

Most couples come in glossy eyed and in love. They ignore all the idiosyncrasies of their beloved because they are “in love.” Sometimes one or the other has a plan to mold the other person into who they want them to be. They are caught up in living happily ever after. They have a very small understanding of what it means to be husband and wife. They have no idea that it is they who will determine the definitions and the quality of their relationship and marriage.

Most couples plan on patterning their marriage on a movie or television marriage they have observed. They have no concept of what it takes to be and stay married. Sometimes they don’t know each other’s favorite colors, what church they attend, how many children they want or how many times a week they would like to have sex. They are also unaware of the many tools available that can aide them in building the marriage of their joint dreams. They come in with expectations of having a happy, successful, and loving marriage. Yet, they have never shared their expectations with each other.

Men and women have needs. They have dreams and expectations. They have unspoken emotional needs that their partner met which made them come to want to get married. These needs need to be spoken and negotiated. When they are not friction occurs and marriages move toward divorce.

Our approach is preventative. We want to equip couples who are in love to be able to enhance and deepen their lives through their love connection. Greta and I have decided to make our marriage fun, thus we seek opportunities to experience adventure. It is one of our many spiritual practices. We both like to learn and laugh. We both like to explore and we both believe that life presents us unlimited possibilities.

We think that most couples come together to explore, and experience life together. They want to have fun and a good time. They want to have years of enjoyment. Our goal is to share with them that these things don’t just happen rather it takes work and intention to make it happen. However it is possible to have fun and excitement throughout one’s marriage. Self-reflection, communication, and meditation are some of the tools that are helpful in creating love that will last.

Self-reflection and knowledge will help one to be able to share their feelings and insights with their partner. The practice of meditating helps the practicing partner gain clarity and deepens their personal relationship with self and God. It deepens one’s spirituality and gives one more to share with their helpmate. This sharing deepens their intimacy and improves their marriage. This is one of the cornerstones to building a healthy marriage. As a husband these practices helps me to love, honor and cherish my Greta.

Though the years I’ve learned that communication is the key that opens my wife’s heart. I have learned that listening, responding and acting appropriately makes my wife feel loved, honored and cherished. It demonstrates to her that I care and that she is indeed important to me. This results in the deepening of our love connection. This aides her in feeling as though I love, honor and cherish her. I do.

Based on my research, many men think that dollar signs are involved in making their wives feel loved. They make the mistake of thinking that their mate’s love is for sale. They confuse affection with “love for sale.” I am certain that most wives love “thoughtful” gifts. I emphasize thoughtful.

Thoughtful gifts demonstrate that a husband has indeed been listening. Often wives may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities for children and housework (not to mention work pressures). A husband can help out with child responsibilities for an extended time and give her a day or two at a spa. He can also surprise her by arranging a babysitter and take her out for an evening of her choice. It also helps to have an iron-clad date night wherein husband and wife decide on various activities so as not to develop a boring routine.

Greta loves to know that I am listening to her when she speaks. She loves to know that I am interested in her world and in things that are important to her. She loves to have new experiences and loves to learn new things with me. She loves to know and feel that I am fully present with her. I chose to be with her years ago and she loves to know that I continue to choose her. She loves to hear it and loves when I demonstrate it. I love the same things.

What is key to all husbands and wives is that they (you) find out what behaviors and activities are pleasing to each other. It is important that you communicate and do those things that will build goodwill and intimacy with each other. For the husband it is important that he demonstrate that he loves, honors and cherishes his wife.

The only way to do it is to ask her (your wife) how she wants this vow to be enacted. Love is an action word. These acts create love deposits and help to strengthen the love bond between husband and wife. Fulfilling the promise of “love, honor and cherish” need not be a chore, rather it is a privilege. After all, God has drawn you to your helpmate and as she is your helpmate, you need to be hers as you love, honor and cherish her.

Yours truly,

Rev. Dr. Gary A. Williams

Tantra Sacred Sex

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. –I Corinthians 13(NIV)

Greta and I believe that for love to make the world go around, it must begin in the home between husbands and wives. We believe that Love must be made over and over in the household between husbands and wives. Greta’s and I have a desire, to help marriages survive, blossom, grow, live and love!

Our community suffers because of the damage that divorce and feuding parents cause to our societal children. Too many marriages end because husbands and wives do not know how to get along. Marriage licenses are given without minimum requirements. Virtually no information has to be absorbed for a couple to apply for and receive a marriage license.

Many couples do not realize that a good marriage takes effort to build. Television gives us several models of marriages, yet they are only glimpses of what real marriages are like. Between a husband and wife, a good marriage takes endless conversation, love, determination, mutual respect and compromise. Husband and wife must work on themselves, as they are patient with one another. They work to embody the spiritual principle of love expressed in the passage of scripture quoted above. They must understand that life is a journey with many roadmaps and opportunities to grow and be enlightened.

Greta and I believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We believe that we are blessed to live and seek to be in gratitude. We believe that we are to develop our spirituality and grow as a result. Thus, we seek to experience events and gather tools that are consistent with our belief to help us to live out our spiritual reality.

One such tool is Tantra. For us, Tantra is a science and a practice. Tantra sees all life as being connected. Tantra is a spiritual practice that helps to integrate our hearts, spirits and sex. Translated from Sanskrit, the word “Tantra” means to “weave” together the intricacies of life into one of balance and harmony with yourself, God and your lover and helpmate. It believes that all life is co-dependent and that what affects you affect me.

Tantra also sees the spiritual and physical connected. It is practiced in many ways just like any other spiritual/religious philosophy. One of the many reasons we practice it is because we have found it to help us understand ourselves as a person. It helped us to open our heart to self and each other.

Our Tantra practice encourages us to see each other as lover and helpmate as we embody Christian scriptures for guidance. It helped us peel away layers of hurt, pain, disappointments, and frustrations that had built up over years and has given us tools to help us as we move forward within our individual and collective spiritual journeys. It has given us additional insight to our Christian practices for spiritual growth and exercise. It helps us to see our love and marriage with spiritual lenses. It helps us grow in Oneness.

We are pleased to begin to share more about our practice and how it has blessed us to be a blessing to each other and other married couples. Our Tantra coaches, Al Link and Pala Copeland joined us on our “Sex in the Morning Show with Gary A. & GretaÔ” as we conversed about Tantra Sacred Sex and our unique experiences and methods of practicing. Included is the link to our Youtube channel. The latest episode is titled, “Tantra Sacred Sex.”

I hope you enjoy and apply some of the teachings to your life and marriage. This interview is imbedded below. Other episodes can also be found at: www.Youtube.com/SensuousSeminars1. Please subscribe to our channel!


Living in Love and Gratitude

-Rev. Dr. Gary A.

Hugs are Great!!!

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. -Genesis 2:24-25

As part of our ongoing intent, “To Make Love.” Greta and I make a concerted effort to live and practice what we teach. We are making our marriage fun by engaging in a variety of activities. We took the scripture, which was read at our wedding over twenty-five (25) years ago seriously. We are seeking to grow and become ONE. We seek to be present in each moment. We are seeking to grab hold and hug.

Kissing, Eye-Gazing and Hugging are three activities that have come to be the tapestry of our “love-making.” I am talking about making love and not sex. Greta loves non-sexual contact. As a result, I have become more sensitive, disciplined and able to meet her emotional needs. That is not to say that I don’t have more work to do, but my work is paying off and Greta and I both feel that our intimacy is deepening.

We are becoming more affectionate and we truly enjoy each other’s company. All of this is part of us becoming “Naked” before one another. We share our thoughts and feelings with each other without fear of judgment, punishment or retribution. Yes, some couples do punish each other for not being who the other wants them to be.

As we are naked we find acceptance with and from each other. This is so refreshing, empowering, honoring and loving. It deepens our trust and strengthens our intimacy. Being conscious that we make time for each other increase our love energy. We both know that enjoying dates and time together is important to the other. We feel loved, nurtured and cherished. We are having our individual needs met and we are meeting the other’s need. It is not always easy, but it is happening more and more and more. We hug. We hug each other in love emotionally, spiritually and literally.

It is such a blessing to honor Genesis 2: 24-45. We are clinging to each other and it is wonderful. Once you put something out into the universe its seems you are challenged. Greta and I accept the challenge to live and practice what we teach. We live in partnership with each other. She has my back and I have hers. It starts with communication. Kissing, Hugging and Eye-Gazing are great deep forms of communication. We recommend that husband and wives adopt them as staples in committed relationships.

“Sex In The Morning Show with Gary A. & Greta” continues to bring more vibrancy into our lives. We are working hard to present truths and practices that will help “you” take your marriage to your desired level. It has been and it is fun and fulfilling. We continue with our “Affection Series” and we look forward to sharing our next segment, which will be dedicated to “Hugging.” It can be found at: http://www.youtube.com/Sensuousseminars1.

We know that the information we share is valuable. It keeps us in a positive and receptive frame of mind. We use it and it works. We present it to you as a testimony of our faith and practice.

We pray that you will use the information that we present to create a marriage and life of your dreams. We encourage you to do the practices that are presented to you.

Yours truly,
Gary A.

On Marriage

Greta and I went to a business trade show a couple of weekends ago. I had many conversations about marriage. There are so many points of views. I promised to share on my experience.

As we presented our approach to Marriage Enhancement, we experienced the thoughts of many people. We encountered bachelors, single people, begrudged monogamous couples and persons pledging never ever ever to get married again.

Not many people had anything positive to say about marriage. How disappointing. I love my marriage. I love the person, Greta, to whom I am married. I wish that everyone could receive the joy that I experience in my relationship to by friend, companion, partner, lover and truly helpmate. She is the queen of my soul, my motivation, inspiration, the mother of my children and truly my soul mate. I thank God for her.

This weekend affirmed and confirmed the work we are doing and our need to do it. So many men do not have a clue that their marriage is in trouble or at least they pretend that they don’t. They think that they are pleasing their wives when in fact they aren’t. If they could only remove their ego, stop being defensive and listen to their wife, they could be on the road to a move bountiful and blessed relationship with their wife.

Greta has shared, in previous writings, that she attempted to communicate her needs to me over the years, but when she did I either blew her off or responded in a defensive manner. As a result, she slowly began to shut down. It was not until she asked me for a divorce when I realized that I needed to change my behavior and that I needed to be more effective in conveying my love to my wife, helpmate and mother to my sons. I have listened and counseled many couples over the years. It has been my experience that couples need only stop and listen to each other as they give each other the benefit of the doubt and allow the other to speak honestly and openly from the heart. This means not getting defensive or judgmental.
It is important to keep in mind during heart conversations that you love your wife and that your wife loves you. It is important to remember that you were drawn together. It is important to know that it might hurt now, but as you have gotten through things in the past, you will get through them now. One of the many spiritual principles that Greta and I employ are the “Four Agreements” as presented by Miguel Ruiz in his book of the same name:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally.
3. Don't Make Assumptions.
4. Always Do Your Best.

We apply these spiritual truths as we seek to understand each other. Another often overlooked reality is that neither Greta nor I have the ability to read each other’s mind. Thus we ask questions regarding the other person’s behavior, feelings and thoughts. This causes us to risk ourselves and share our truths with each other. It causes us to listen without judgment and with patience. It causes us to partner and help each other experience happiness. It causes us to set goals, make plans and move in the agreed upon direction.

Too many couples are living separate lives in the houses they share and are not making their houses their home. Home is where the heart is, it is characterized by intimacy, love and all the fuzzy feelings that go along with it. Too many people disclosed that they do not communicate with their spouses and they are often traveling in two different directions. They view marriage as a chore and not as a pleasurable adventure. They lack fun, passion and spontaneous activity. Too many people were willing to share this type of information with Greta and me, but not with their own spouses with whom they have invested so much of their lives.

Many find themselves in a rut longing to get out, not knowing how. I was saddened as one person we encountered spoke of undergoing a divorce after twenty (20) years of marriage. My soul shakes as I remember the anger, hurt and disappointment he relived as he shared his ordeal with us. One brother shared with me that he didn’t need to read a book or need any help about marriage after being married close to twenty-five (25) years, while his wife shared with Greta how she was experiencing difficulty in her marriage. Based on the different conversations, it was as if they were not married to each other.

I was a bit amused by one gentleman who argued that it was unnatural for a man to have only one wife. He pointed to Africa and other cultures that practiced polygamy and after some verbal jousting; I was finally able to ask him how many wives he thought he should have? He replied, three. I asked him what was stopping him. It seems that beside it being illegal, his girlfriend wouldn’t allow it. I admitted to him that I could only handle Greta. She requires my undivided attention and affection.

Women too, lamented about marriage. They complained about dishonest, cheating, inconsiderate mates as did men. Everyone with whom I spoke focused on the physical aspect of marriage and considered sex, lack of or bad sex should be the topic of our conversation. Only a few understood that intimacy forged through open and honest communication was an attribute upon which a fulfilling marriage stands.

Good marriages are built on commitment, hard work and love. Good loving healthy marriages are possible and necessary. I recently talked with a single male in his early 30’s. In our conversation, he shared that if choosing a wife was like choosing clothes, he would have long been married. I took the bait and asked him to explain. He said that with clothes you can take them home, try them on, and if they don’t fit you can take them back. Though they shouldn’t, I believe that perhaps some people treat marriage this way, since well over half of all marriages end in divorce. Yet good marriages are desired and can be planned and lived out.

This also gave me insight into thoughts about marriage. Perhaps we think that we can custom order our marriage counter part and she/he will arrive with the specifications we request. People are not constructed in that manner and thus we must realize that it is we who construct ourselves and in so doing we have the ability to construct our marriage in the fashion we visualize. We must take responsibility for the power that we have to shape and fashion our own reality, which include our marriage relationship.

Greta and I treat our marriage as a spiritual practice. We live the spiritual principles we espouse. We look at how we can heal ourselves and work towards our own happiness as we journey together. We share openly and honestly, we love mutually and we respond in patience and love.

We believe these principles will help any couple be successful in marriage. We believe that too many people enter marriage ill- prepared and without common understandings, goals and expectations. Though most people enter marriage because they are in love and want to be with the person they marry forever, they fail to understand that they must work at making their relationship last and that they must re-create the love they experience over and over. Thus, they must make love on a continuous basis. Treating one’s marriage as a spiritual practice will build the foundation for love to be made over and over again.

Marriage is a dynamic organism; it lives and breathes rises and falls. It has it own ebb and flow as life. Thus it does not have to be boring. It can be a fun and joyous journey; these are just a few of my thoughts “On Marriage.” Thus I have decided that I am challenging Greta and me to share our message with fifty (50) married and fifty (50) engaged couple by the end of 2010. Please let us know if you are willing to help us prepare others, save and improve marriages as we follow God’s leading.